Summer Conversations that Count, Connect and Matter

One summer, one of my kid’s lunchboxes stayed unopened in their schoolbag until just before the new school year. While my three other children had each washed and dried their lunchbox and put it away, there was one little ecosystem, hidden from sight, steadily thriving, waiting to be discovered when we eventually had to “go there”.

As the year draws to a close, I expect many of us are excited for the Christmas break-time to rest, celebrate, and enjoy family and summer. As part of ‘holiday season’, it’s helpful take a moment to check in with your children. Little worries can grow if left unspoken, and a gentle conversation can make a big difference. The long summer break is a wonderful chance to slow down and deepen your connection with each child. In the big picture, ask your children about how things have been going and how they feel about different elements of school life. How you approach those topics to get meaningful answers is the real challenge.

So, how do parents get children to talk?
This depends on several factors, including the age of the child, the amount of time you have, the emotions attached to the topic, and just how you feel at the time. Let them know that you want to talk with them and frame it positively: “I’ve seen how you’ve done some really great things this year [name them] and I’d love to spend some time with you discussing them and growing them for next year. Can we talk about that [pick a time like ‘before Christmas’]?”

Reading the Semester Two Report (accessed through Edumate) with your child is often a good starting point. Teachers write Reports to parents for the benefit of each child. We spend a lot of time authentically assessing and collecting data so that what is communicated in a small document presents an accurate picture of the year, with constructive steps for the future. It’s also useful to ask your child what they think of the Report. A guide is provided with the Report, but if you are having difficulty understanding it, this article may guide you. For younger children you may need to be more direct with your questions. For older children from late Primary through to Year 11, it may be better to discuss things over several conversations rather than trying to cover everything at once. There are likely to be clear areas for growth, and I encourage you to focus on effort over results.

Other tips to make discussions a little easier are:
Consider what is likely to make the conversation flow more freely. For some children, sitting down in a café with a milkshake is best, while for others it could be while being active. Starting a conversation in a group setting (including your own memories of “Report Cards”) may work or chatting on a long drive may be good. Some children would prefer face to face while others would avoid making eye contact.

…and remember, you don’t have to find a “problem” to fix. For most students’, things are going well. There is great benefit in simply modelling that you want to have conversations and that you are always available as well as encouraging them in pursuing their best in what they are currently involved in.

What should we talk about?
• Relationships – with friends, the class/grade, teachers and generally during the school day and online
• Lesson time – content that is enjoyable or difficult, focus and pace of work, various styles of learning
• BPL – what have they been learning and what they would like to develop
• How they feel about themselves – compared to others, progress in academic and co-curricular, etc.

I trust that the summer break allows time for meaningful refreshment and connection for families.

PS In the end, we threw away the whole lunchbox as the potential for hazardous substances outweighed the gain of a clean lunchbox…

Colin Wood
Deputy Principal